What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
