it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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