Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
