i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
