ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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