I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
