you lied. pity sex is amazing.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
