I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
