Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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