Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
