just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
