I'm gonna have a badass scar
high people should be assigned attendants
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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