She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
