I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
