I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
