these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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