There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
