The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
