Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
