My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
