last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
