The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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