it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
