so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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