She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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