Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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