So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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