me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
