I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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