saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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