Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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