Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
