In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
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