i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
