His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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