Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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