We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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