pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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