Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
