so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
