$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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