You're completely useless in the revolution.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
