Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
they call him Oral-B. enough said
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
