i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
