Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
it's like heaven, but drunker
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
