Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
