i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
