Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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