Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
