I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
