You're my little dorito
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
