It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
