I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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