His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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